Stop Having Bad Sex: Desire, Disconnect, and How to Find Your Way Back

What if your relationship isn’t broken — it’s just overloaded?

In this candid and compassionate episode of Spark Me, Liz and Michele sit down with Dr. Erin Murphy Ross — marriage and family therapist and sex therapist — to talk about the conversation so many couples are quietly having… or avoiding.

Intimacy and desire in long-term relationships can feel confusing, lonely, and even shame-filled. Is it normal to feel disconnected? Why does stress kill libido? Why does it feel harder to talk about sex with our partner than almost anything else?

Dr. Erin pulls back the curtain on what she hears every single day in her therapy practice. From mismatched desire to painful sex, from hormonal shifts to rejection wounds, this conversation normalizes what so many people experience but rarely say out loud.

You’ll hear why “most couples aren’t broken — they’re overloaded,” how shame silently shapes our sex lives, and what it really takes to reconnect — emotionally and physically — in the second act of love.

If you’ve ever wondered, “Is it just me?” — this episode is for you.

In This Episode You’ll Learn:

• Why stress is one of the biggest libido killers — for both men and women
• What Dr. Erin means by “sexual role models” and how your past shapes your present
• How shame shows up differently in men and women
• Why rejection is often the hidden root of intimacy struggles
• The difference between emotional intimacy and physical connection
• Why desire changes over time — and why that’s not a bad thing
• How hormones impact intimacy much earlier than we think
• What to do if sex is painful — and why pain is never “just normal”
• Why 30% of women report not knowing if they’ve ever orgasmed
• What “Stop having bad sex” really means — and how to redefine good sex
• How to separate physical touch from sexual pressure
• Why communication outside the bedroom is critical to connection

Resources From This Episode:

Books Mentioned:

• Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski - https://www.amazon.com/dp/1982165316?ref_=cm_sw_r_ffobk_cp_ud_dp_1BD8G05K00TMP8JC1B5W&bestFormat=true
• Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel - https://a.co/d/03fx0xKM
• The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman - https://www.amazon.com/dp/080241270X?ref_=cm_sw_r_ffobk_cp_ud_dp_YV385YN57H9RZRRVVMJR&bestFormat=true

Professional Resources:

• American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) - https://www.aasect.org/

Specialized Support:

• Pelvic floor therapy (for pain or discomfort during sex) - https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/12325-dyspareunia-painful-intercourse
• Hormone testing (advocate for comprehensive panels, even before menopause) - https://www.questhealth.com/product/menopause-perimenopause-assessment-test-panel/12570M.html?srsltid=AfmBOoqhXIiZLaCgjR_ecb-vFNCjNoYgTCzqKgCyiOwtpCrKrEfmb6yM

Connect with Dr. Erin Murphy Ross:

Website: ErinRossPhD.com
Private practice in Texas

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