What If We Married Ourselves First?

As she slipped off her wedding band in the middle of her divorce, Christine Kiesinger heard a voice say: you should have married yourself first.

Dr. Christine Kiesinger spent thirty years in academia as an expert in relational communication — until the day the words “I’m retiring at the end of this semester” came out of her mouth before she even knew she was going to say them. Colleagues told her she had just committed professional suicide. Christine saw doors opening.

In this conversation, Christine traces the path from a dress factory in Pittston — where a shift of women told a curious teenager, “you need to find a way out” — to a community college speech team, a fully funded doctorate, tenure, and the radical decision to walk away from all of it. Along the way, she shows how a single conversation, often from someone outside your own family, can change the entire course of a life.

But the heart of this episode is what happened next. When Christine’s divorce collided with the world shutting down, she was left alone with the one relationship she had never cultivated: the one with herself. So she did something remarkable — she took every stage of an intimate relationship, from courtship to commitment, and moved through them with herself. Eighteen months later, on the evening of her birthday, she took the vow. Ring and all.

Whether you’re feeling stuck in a marriage, a career, or a version of your life that was somehow chosen for you, this conversation is an invitation to listen to the voice inside — and to have the courage to speak what it’s telling you out loud.

This conversation originally aired as one of our very first episodes. It’s one of the most powerful we’ve ever recorded, so we’ve refreshed and re-edited it for everyone who has found Spark Me since.

In This Episode You’ll Learn:

• Why the “power of a single conversation” can redirect an entire life — and why it often comes from a teacher, mentor, or coach rather than family
• What relational intelligence is, and how it differs from emotional intelligence
• The story of the vow: how Christine applied the stages of an intimate relationship — courtship through commitment — to herself
• The “radical responsibility” exercise: being radically honest about the ways you contributed to a relationship’s demise
• The number one regret of the dying — and the first half-step to take if you realize you’re not living the life you wanted
• Why micro-shifts often beat blowing up your life — and how to transform a marriage or career instead of demolishing it
• Why people don’t quit jobs they hate — they quit places where they don’t feel they belong, and what leaders can do about it
• What if “no” were a complete sentence? How women can decline without the long explanation
• “I’ll see it when I believe it”: Christine’s reframe on manifesting, trust, and sovereignty over your own mind

Resources From This Episode:

• How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie — the first self-help book Christine picked up at age ten
• The Top Five Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Ware
• Dr. Vivek Murthy’s Harvard Business Review series on workplace loneliness
• The Harvard Study of Adult Development — the research finding that the quality of your relationships is the number one contributor to happiness and longevity
• The Amplify Women in Leadership Certificate Program (Leadership Northeast), co-founded by Christine
• Christine's Website - https://www.christinekiesinger.com/

If this conversation resonated with you:

• Follow Spark Me wherever you listen to podcasts so you never miss a Spark Short
• Share this episode with a friend navigating a big transition — or feeling stuck in a life that was somehow chosen for them
• Leave a rating or review — it helps other women in their second act discover the show
• Tag us when you’re listening and tell us: what’s one vow you’re ready to make to yourself?